So I am your typical middle aged, single female, back out in the dating world after readjusting, recalibrating, and rearranging my life after realizing what didn't work for me. So I am going into this brave new world, wiser, better and a heck of a lot more clever. It feels good to be clear and confident, knowing what I want but even better, really clear on what I don't.
And so I have been out there really confident'ly lost in translation.
Seriously, I feel as though I am waking up from a deep sleep, and I see not just clear but ultra clear. The lost in translation is on purpose, I find myself wishing I did not see what I see, but not wishing it away like I used to. You know talking yourself out of the red flags that show up when you are getting to know a person. And you want to know what is even more fascinating to me? I have literally zero interest in making an impression. Oh good grief....is my mind being blown? I keep thinking WOW when I hold space and conversation with a man I find an interest in or that finds interest in me. I see how I let things go here and there in the past and I see how they are now. The need to want to know anything is gone, and if I find interest I really am interested beyond what I believe I can gain.
I don't want to be used and I don't want to use anyone. Does that even make sense? What the what? How is my body responding to the sexiness of these men and yet not even close to being enough curiosity to desire anything beyond fantasy. Did I take a red pill when I meant to take a blue one? Am I in the romantic matrix? It feels like finally I have such wonderful opportunities and I feel way more ready and yet I have this MEH vibe that doesn't feel like a phase. Could it be that I have just spent so much time alone, I prefer it?
Well I will be back with more of this subject but I am publishing this in hopes of attracting readers on this vibe so we can talk about it.
How do you weigh in........
Thanks,
Lisa Sutton
